Trouble in the Nut House: Classified Rush Information Leaked

  In an unprecedented series of events, Alpha Gamma Delta Social Chair Jordan Millsap has come under fire for allegedly leaking classified rush information to several unidentified sources. Although it remains unclear at this point who if anyone received the information, many believe the data may have fallen into the hands of the sorority's archrival, … Continue reading Trouble in the Nut House: Classified Rush Information Leaked

Phi Gam Social Chair Swears This Will Be The Jam Band People Actually Come To

Displaying the brash degree of confidence his fraternity brothers had become all too accustomed to during his two year tenure as social chair, senior Phi Gam Rob Broderick assured his friends that Cocoon Deception, the grungy funk band he had booked for the upcoming weekend, would be the one to finally draw in a large … Continue reading Phi Gam Social Chair Swears This Will Be The Jam Band People Actually Come To

Beta Newboy Yet To Realize The Gravity Of His Terrible Mistake

Sources reported freshman Richard Thompson excitedly emerged from the Beta Theta Pi bandroom Wednesday afternoon with no idea his acceptance of a bid from the oft-ridiculed fraternity had all but cemented his college career into being filled with demeaning and cruel rhetoric directed towards Thompson as a result of his newfound fraternity. In what would … Continue reading Beta Newboy Yet To Realize The Gravity Of His Terrible Mistake

Heat Hikes Prices to Target Niche Market of Eccentric Billionaires

Failing to hit profit goals for the second quarter in a row, Heat Pizza Bar has shocked many with its most recent price hike. Following the 5% increase, a cheese pizza will now cost $295 plus tax. Students have expressed outrage over yet another price increase, but Tuscaloosa's niche market of billionaire entrepreneurs seems pleased. … Continue reading Heat Hikes Prices to Target Niche Market of Eccentric Billionaires

Presigned Lease Only Reason Burnout Still Enrolled

Junior SAE Bradley Armstrong's father confirmed friends' suspicions that Armstrong's continued enrollment at the University of Alabama in spite of a remarkable two year run of failed classes and major changes was solely due to his having signed an incredibly costly lease early last fall, forcing his dad to send him back to school after … Continue reading Presigned Lease Only Reason Burnout Still Enrolled

Chi Phi From Michigan Hangs Confederate Flag To Show Pride For Newly Adopted Southern Heritage

In a move the sophomore acknowledged would draw controversy from many, Chi Phi Brian Andrews proudly hung a three-by-six foot version of the infamous Confederate Navy Jack flag in his bedroom window Sunday afternoon. The Auburn Hills, Michigan native explained that while he recognized some might mistakenly feel offended by the emblem of the Confederate … Continue reading Chi Phi From Michigan Hangs Confederate Flag To Show Pride For Newly Adopted Southern Heritage

Rounders Patrons Look On In Envy At VIP Table Of Just Seven Dudes

Sources confirmed that upon the arrival of seven mysterious socialites to Rounders Bar around 10 PM Friday night, the entire crowd could be seen staring in awe as the group of four members of Phi Delta Theta and three members of Sigma Nu filed into a corner VIP booth before resecuring the surrounding velvet rope … Continue reading Rounders Patrons Look On In Envy At VIP Table Of Just Seven Dudes

Study: Everybody Who Says They Enjoyed Their Internship Dirty Fucking Liars

After wrapping up their groundbreaking study early Tuesday morning, top researchers in the fields of psychology and sociology were able to confirm that of the vocal minority of students claiming to have enjoyed their summer internships in the fields of finance, medicine, law, and nearly every other potential profession, every single one of them is … Continue reading Study: Everybody Who Says They Enjoyed Their Internship Dirty Fucking Liars

Post Office Pies Fondly Reminisces On Ten Day Period When They Were The Cool New Pizza Bar

Staring through a window fogged by hours of heavy breath, owner of local artisan pizzeria Post Office Pies John Turing spoke whimsically of the brief period of time their restaurant, not the dreaded Heat Pizza Bar a few hundred yards away, was the happening new pizza place in town, boasting large crowds of eager diners … Continue reading Post Office Pies Fondly Reminisces On Ten Day Period When They Were The Cool New Pizza Bar