Girl’s Laissez-Faire Approach To Dog Ownership Doesn’t Seem To Be Working Out

Roommates of Junior Phi Mu Ashley Jacobs told reporters Wednesday that her apparent laissez-faire, or "hands-off" method of dog ownership, in which she rarely feeds, plays with, or cleans up after her eight month old English Spaniel, may not actually be the best way to care for a living, breathing animal with very real basic needs. … Continue reading Girl’s Laissez-Faire Approach To Dog Ownership Doesn’t Seem To Be Working Out

Bid Day Special: Evangelical Parents Bid Farewell To Freshman Daughter Hours Before She Succumbs To Satan’s Temptations

  Expressing reluctant optimism regarding their oft-influentiable daughter's choice of sorority, devout Evangelists Mark and Tracy Walters kissed their daughter goodbye Saturday afternoon after congratulating her on her newfound membership in Pi Beta Phi sorority. "It's just nice to know you raised her right." said Mr. Walters on the ride home, just around the time … Continue reading Bid Day Special: Evangelical Parents Bid Farewell To Freshman Daughter Hours Before She Succumbs To Satan’s Temptations

Senior Girl Plans To Settle Down With Next Guy To Show Interest In Her

  Having spent three years holding out for a tall, handsome, intelligent individual to commit to for the rest of her life, senior Interior Design major Rachel Clements announced her intention to just take whatever she can get at this point, provided the individual has the means to support her extravagant spending habits and tolerate … Continue reading Senior Girl Plans To Settle Down With Next Guy To Show Interest In Her

Trouble in the Nut House: Classified Rush Information Leaked

  In an unprecedented series of events, Alpha Gamma Delta Social Chair Jordan Millsap has come under fire for allegedly leaking classified rush information to several unidentified sources. Although it remains unclear at this point who if anyone received the information, many believe the data may have fallen into the hands of the sorority's archrival, … Continue reading Trouble in the Nut House: Classified Rush Information Leaked