Rich White Guy in $8 Million Fraternity House: “Where’s My Safe Space?”

After skimming through his morning dose of conservative news media, Junior Aaron Hill descended from his third floor room in the Delta Kappa Epsilon house to greet his fraternity brothers with what the twenty-year-old believed to be the most original thought he had ever come up with. "If all these minorities and gay people get … Continue reading Rich White Guy in $8 Million Fraternity House: “Where’s My Safe Space?”

Senior Cements Legacy By Drinking Six Beers Before Dawn, Telling Everybody About It

Early Saturday morning, stating that he'd better make his last Bid Day the best one yet, senior Theta Chi Brian Niblett confided to a close group of friends as well as the hundreds of strangers around him that he was "a half dozen brews deep before the sun came up," an impressive feat Niblett accomplished … Continue reading Senior Cements Legacy By Drinking Six Beers Before Dawn, Telling Everybody About It

Phi Gam Social Chair Swears This Will Be The Jam Band People Actually Come To

Displaying the brash degree of confidence his fraternity brothers had become all too accustomed to during his two year tenure as social chair, senior Phi Gam Rob Broderick assured his friends that Cocoon Deception, the grungy funk band he had booked for the upcoming weekend, would be the one to finally draw in a large … Continue reading Phi Gam Social Chair Swears This Will Be The Jam Band People Actually Come To

Beta Newboy Yet To Realize The Gravity Of His Terrible Mistake

Sources reported freshman Richard Thompson excitedly emerged from the Beta Theta Pi bandroom Wednesday afternoon with no idea his acceptance of a bid from the oft-ridiculed fraternity had all but cemented his college career into being filled with demeaning and cruel rhetoric directed towards Thompson as a result of his newfound fraternity. In what would … Continue reading Beta Newboy Yet To Realize The Gravity Of His Terrible Mistake

Presigned Lease Only Reason Burnout Still Enrolled

Junior SAE Bradley Armstrong's father confirmed friends' suspicions that Armstrong's continued enrollment at the University of Alabama in spite of a remarkable two year run of failed classes and major changes was solely due to his having signed an incredibly costly lease early last fall, forcing his dad to send him back to school after … Continue reading Presigned Lease Only Reason Burnout Still Enrolled

Chi Phi From Michigan Hangs Confederate Flag To Show Pride For Newly Adopted Southern Heritage

In a move the sophomore acknowledged would draw controversy from many, Chi Phi Brian Andrews proudly hung a three-by-six foot version of the infamous Confederate Navy Jack flag in his bedroom window Sunday afternoon. The Auburn Hills, Michigan native explained that while he recognized some might mistakenly feel offended by the emblem of the Confederate … Continue reading Chi Phi From Michigan Hangs Confederate Flag To Show Pride For Newly Adopted Southern Heritage

Rounders Patrons Look On In Envy At VIP Table Of Just Seven Dudes

Sources confirmed that upon the arrival of seven mysterious socialites to Rounders Bar around 10 PM Friday night, the entire crowd could be seen staring in awe as the group of four members of Phi Delta Theta and three members of Sigma Nu filed into a corner VIP booth before resecuring the surrounding velvet rope … Continue reading Rounders Patrons Look On In Envy At VIP Table Of Just Seven Dudes