Weeks after his graduation from The University of Alabama, geography major and functioning alcoholic Colton Middleton finally discovered the harrowing truth that his major has nothing to do with maps, or land, or anything even close to that.
Having failed to gain employment from a leading atlas manufacturer and being denied admission by every elite cartography graduate program in the South, sources confirmed Middleton had grown suspicious, being quoted saying, “Wait…I thought I was supposed to be learning about maps and stuff, isn’t that what geography is?”
Now, and only just now, is it shockingly clear that Middleton never attended a single class during his time at the university.
Editor’s Note: Colton Middleton graduated from The University of Alabama with a 4.0 GPA and made the President’s List for eight consecutive semesters. Mr. Middleton also served two terms as President of Phi Delta Theta fraternity.