Post Office Pies Fondly Reminisces On Ten Day Period When They Were The Cool New Pizza Bar

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Staring through a window fogged by hours of heavy breath, owner of local artisan pizzeria Post Office Pies John Turing spoke whimsically of the brief period of time their restaurant, not the dreaded Heat Pizza Bar a few hundred yards away, was the happening new pizza place in town, boasting large crowds of eager diners served by attractive young staff members.

Still waiting for his first customer of the day, Turing asked the manager to check if their open sign was still working, a task the young man was given 3-4 times daily, perhaps even more now that the upstart Heat had developed an even more engaging social media presence to couple with their new daily drink specials, a practice that Post Office, with its exclusive selection of Avondale beers and wine, has yet to offer.

“It just doesn’t make sense! Why are these kids choosing personalized artisan pizzas, fantastic drinks made by talented bartenders, and charming outdoor dining enhanced by live music over my delicious ($17) Swine Pies?” lamented Turing before nostalgically detailing how excited he and his staff were at their initial success upon opening, a time during which hundreds of first time customers flocked to the restaurant to be disappointed by Post Office Pies’ lack of a liquor license at the time, weird menu options, and sky-high prices.

The few remaining staff members—who expressed concerns as to how much longer Turing could keep paying them—confided that they always had their doubts about how many watermelon radish pizzas they’d be able to sell in a college town, and they knew their days were numbered upon hearing Heat would offer normal pizza toppings like pepperoni and sausage, along with their more exotic options.

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