Failing to hit profit goals for the second quarter in a row, Heat Pizza Bar has shocked many with its most recent price hike. Following the 5% increase, a cheese pizza will now cost $295 plus tax.
Students have expressed outrage over yet another price increase, but Tuscaloosa’s niche market of billionaire entrepreneurs seems pleased. “Hopefully this will make it a lot easier to get a table on Saturday nights, but if it gets any more expensive I’ll have to go back to eating Little Italy,” said tycoon Paul Bryant, Jr.
Heat management stated they continue to believe the restaurant is best served by catering to the needs of the wealthiest .00001%. “Our passion has always been serving the most fortunate, and we strive to ensure our pricing remains affordable to those raking in at least nine figures annually,” a spokesperson said.
Just before press time, Heat announced it heard the complaints of its valued customers and would be rolling back the cost of its beer selection to original prices, now offering Bud Light for the sort-of-doable price of only $12.50.